I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
