Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
