It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize