I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
