I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
