His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
