It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
