a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
