If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
