He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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