My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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