I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
