U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize