gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
