so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I need moral support for this bender
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
