just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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