Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
