so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
