This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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