My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
