tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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