my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize