Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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