I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
