Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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