ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
