She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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