In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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