I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
