Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
