Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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