My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
