if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
