her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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