I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I looked at my own cervix.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
