Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
