whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
