I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
