There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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