We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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