i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
