haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
