we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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