Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
