Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We have started to decorate penises.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
