$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize