i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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