Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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