Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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