Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
