if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
