just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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