I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
