She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
