Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
