I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
