Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
