Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I can text with my tongue
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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