I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
