sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I love you. Go after that dick
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
