I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
