So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
