Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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