no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
