so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
