weddingsv make me drug and hornr
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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